Reasons to be Depressed (Or rather, why I’M depressed) Part 1 July 4, 2009

1. School Related Stress.

Where to start? Grades, exam, professors and a very serious inferiority complex. Try studying at the most prestigious school in your country, among the brightest minds of your time and see if you won’t get depressed. God, I used to believe I was good, even great. Here and there I got compliments I knew I deserved (yes, I am proud, arrogant and narcissistic). Now, I don’t even think I am a paramecium compared to the greatness and mothereffin size of these people’s brains. Can you honestly blame for breaking apart after falling down the pedestal I stood on all my life? I feel so stupid, like I would never get anywhere.

2. Family.

The definition of my family (I don’t know about yours) is simply “people who annoy me to the core, telling me what to do and how to do it, as if they’re the brightest, most important and pristine people in the worl and I’m a stupid good-for-nothing.” As if I didn’t feel stupid or useless already.

3. Future.

I have no future. I am not going to die. Actually, if I was going to, that meant I would actually have a future. At least, death would be certain. But no. I have no future. My career is undecided, heck I don’t even know what I’m going to do with my life. I don’t even have any personal plans. I wish it was as simple as when I was a kid and anything I want or say (“When I grow up, I…). I was happy then. Oh, why did I grow up?

4. Loveless Love Life.

You know the worst kind of lovelife aside from being the heartbroken, unrequited, cheated, cheatee, unfated and tragic? Fake. People I love aren’t even real. I live in my dreams, life jsut doesn’t do me justice. I fall in and out of love in this world too many times I no longer recall which are flings, crushes or love (if I actually had one). And now, I am seriously frustrated and afraid I would grow up and die alone. Damn it, it’s bad enough I live in a house surrounded by old maids, do I need to be one? I want someone, anyone, really. Just a chance. I want to feel what it’s like to have someone call me just to hear my voice, hold my hand while I’m walking, take me on dates, or if these are too cliches or demanding, just someone to be with.

5. Meaningless.

I don’t exactly have a purpose in life. I have no goal, no redempting factor whatsoever. I don’t know why I’m alive and worse, I have no idea why there is a need for me to be alive anyway. Nobody would miss me. If they did, it will pass. Just like every meaningless thing/people in this world.

Depressed. I need help.